Whatever Makes You Happy
by Firebreathing Ghost
Summary: Kanda likes Lenalee. Lenalee likes Kanda. Both think their love is unrequited. Will they act upon their mutual affection before it's too late? Lenalee x Kanda.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything from the D. Gray-man universe, which is the property of Katsura Hoshino.

**Note: **I haven't seen any Lenalee x Kanda fanfiction, so I wanted to write one. If you don't this one, I hope you'll write a better LenaKan fic. I'm also using the official spellings of the characters' names... well, for most of the characters, anyway. Onward!

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Yu Kanda wasn't sure when he'd fallen for Lenalee. It might have been when he'd first met her three years ago, when he was 15 and she was 13. It might have been just a few hours ago, when he'd caught her unconscious form and held her in his arms. It might have been any of the time between those two events. Whatever it was, he hadn't been sure of it until that moment.

The exorcists stood on what remained of the battleground. They had just finished an epic fight with the Earl of the Millennium and his accomplices. Kanda had been battling against Tyki Mikk, a tall, polite gentleman who was stronger than he cared to admit. Allen Walker had dared to go against the Earl. Of course, the Beansprout was losing. Just as the Earl was about to finish him off, Cross Marian showed up and saved his student's life.

A few minutes ago, three unnamed Noahs had arrived at the scene, announcing some news about some kind of ark. The Earl and his accomplices had grown extremely excited, and left them. The conscious exorcists had just finished off the remaining akuma. Kanda sheathed his sword, and looked around him.

Allen was curled up on the ground, unconscious. Kanda sneered. That would teach him to overestimate his strength. Cross was trying to wake his student up. Arystar Krory, Miranda Lotto and Lavi were checking for injuries among the non-exorcists. Bookman, Froi Tiedoll and Noise Mari were deep in conversation, discussing their next move. Lenalee, who had managed to escape from her nightmarish prison in the heat of battle, was now running towards his direction. Although her long hair was gone, Kanda thought she looked as pretty as ever. His insides squirmed like it always did when he saw Lenalee.

"Lenalee. Are you okay?" If it were anyone else, Kanda wouldn't have asked. But he felt inclined to question Lenalee's well-being.

"Fine!"

Instead of stopping to chat, Lenalee made a beeline towards Allen. Kanda watched as she crouched down beside Cross, and joined him in trying to wake Allen up. Lenalee touched the face of the white-haired boy, and spoke his name. Kanda strolled over and watched their attempts. Finally, Timcanpi flew over and chomped on the end on Allen's nose. His blue eyes flew open, and he took a sharp intake of breath.

"Cross? Kanda?" Allen sat up and looked around him. "Lenalee?"

"Allen! You're awake!" Lenalee cried joyfully, and threw her arms around him. She buried her face in his shoulder. "I'm so glad you're okay!"

"Lenalee… you're okay too!" Allen placed his arms around her, and they embraced.

Cross looked at them with an expression of amusement on his face. Kanda watched, feeling something unpleasant stirring inside of him. His stomach knotted and his heart tightened. That feeling… was it… no, it wasn't hated. It was… jealousy? At that moment, Kanda knew that he was in love with Lenalee. But as he kept on watching her embrace Allen, Kanda realized he'd never have a chance. His mind screamed for him to pull Lenalee away. Instead, he gave the two his coldest look.

"There's no time for this," he told Allen and Lenalee crossly. He walked away, and started shouting at Lavi to go back and report that they'd found Cross.

"Cranky as ever," Allen noted.

"That Kanda," Lenalee smiled at the long-haired exorcist's retreating back fondly. "He'll never change."

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Lenalee had always liked Kanda. Of course, the latter was rude, obnoxious, self-satisfied, arrogant… she could easily write a book about the things she didn't like about him. But something about him that always lightened her mood. When Kanda looked at her, she always felt like smiling. That is, when he didn't make her feel like hitting him for being a jerk.

"You'll think about it, won't you?" a boy's voice cut through her thoughts.

They were back at Headquarters now. Lenalee was in Allen's room, sitting at his bedside. Allen's arm had been injured during the battle, and he was recovering.

"Oh, of course," Lenalee promised.

"I'm sorry if I came off as too strong," apologized Allen. "I'm sorry if I scared you, but I really think this will work. I really want this to happen. Please?"

Lenalee greatly admired Allen. She sympathized with his circumstances. She respected him for his strength. And she loved him for the unselfish way he dealt with everything. Allen was sitting up on the bead, looking at her with anticipating eyes. She smiled. Everything about him was so frail and beautiful. She wished she could gather him into her arms and protect him forever.

Instead, Lenalee leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. Allen blushed, putting his hand over the spot her lips touched. Then, he yawned.

"I'll let you know as soon as possible," Lenalee promised. "Get some sleep. I'll leave you alone now."

"Okay. See you," Allen gave another great yawn, and lay down.

Lenalee left his room and gently closed the door behind her. She sighed. So much had happened since she'd met Allen. Did she care about him? Certainly. But love? Lenalee decided that she had to spend some quality time with her thoughts. There was always one place where Lenalee could think undisturbed. She headed towards the roof.

It was a clear night, and the moon was full and pale. Thousands of starts dotted the sky. Lenalee stepped across the tiles, searching for the place she'd always sat. It was an unobtrusive place hidden from prying eyes. The roof sloped down gradually, making a good seat that faced the moon. When she reached it, she realized she wasn't alone.

"Hi, Kanda," she greeted the other visitor. "Isn't it a beautiful night?"

"Hn." Kanda was lying on his back with his eyes closed. He opened an eye to look at her. Lenalee sat down beside Kanda. They were silent for a few minutes.

"What are you doing here?" asked Lenalee.

"I used to come here when I was younger," Kanda replied. "You did, too."

"I know," Lenalee smiled. "We hung out here about three years ago. But then, you stopped coming."

"Hn." Kanda closed his eyes again.

Silence came again. There was a look of utter peacefulness on Kanda's face. Lenalee remembered that they regularly visited each other at this place when they'd first met. At first, Lenalee was angrily escaping from her captors. She knew by then that running away from HQ was useless. She would come here when she wanted to be alone, and they'd let her because it was still on HQ grounds. Kanda had come to the roof to meditate.

After that, they sat together on the roof every night. They never spoke a word to each other. It was always silent, like at that moment. Lenalee always felt that the silence was tranquil, like two people savoring a golden moment. After about six months, Kanda stopped coming. Lenalee continued to visit the roof whenever she felt the need to be alone. No one else ever came, so it was just her and her thoughts.

Lenalee had fallen madly in love with Kanda during those visits. He was the only person she could sit with in silence, and not feel uncomfortable. Her feelings for him had died down after he stopped coming. Her explanation was that it was the insignificant infatuation of a 13-year-old. But why did her heart stir when he looked at her? Looking at Kanda, she wished he would hold her and protect her from the world. The wishful thinking confirmed the worst. Lenalee was still in love.

Of course, she knew it was useless. Kanda didn't like other people. He'd always had a higher tolerance of her, but Lenalee told herself it was only a tribute to their rooftop friendship. Lenalee told herself that Kanda was cold, and he didn't care about others. Perhaps that aspect of his personality was what drew him to her the most. However, Lenalee told herself that Kanda was meant for someone else. She wasn't the one. And as for her… well, there was Allen.

"Spit it out," Kanda commanded, interrupting her thoughts. He had both eyes open, and they were focused on her. Lenalee realized that she'd been staring at Kanda the whole time she was having her debate.

"Oh, well…" Lenalee suddenly felt very shy

"Say something, or stop staring at me," Kanda commanded, sitting up.

"It's Allen," Lenalee blushed. She thought she saw Kanda's face tense. But she was probably imagining it. After all, Kanda's face was always tense.

"Beansprout, huh." Kanda scrutinized her face. He finally decided: "You like him."

"Yes, I… how'd you know?" The cold night air felt refreshing against Lenalee's burning face.

"It's written all over you," Kanda informed her, turning away looking up at the full moon. Quiet came, but this time, it was uneasy.

"What do you think I should do?" Lenalee finally broke the silence.

"Why are you asking me?" Kanda snapped.

"Um, … see, he asked me to be his girlfriend. But I don't know. I mean, I obviously like him, but I really don't know what to say. I don't want to lose him, but I don't want to rush things," Lenalee sighed. "I told him I'd think about it."

"So think," Kanda told her. He lay back down and closed his eyes. Quiet. After what felt like hours, Lenalee couldn't stand it anymore. She was about to open her mouth to disrupt it, when Kanda did it for her. "What do you see in him?"

"Well, Allen's so kind, and self-sacrificing. He's really, really caring, and so polite…" Lenalee went through a whole list of adjectives that didn't describe Kanda.

"Do whatever makes you happy," Kanda snapped, not wanting to hear another word of praise about Allen. He stood up. He suddenly couldn't stand being around Lenalee anymore.

"Whatever makes me happy…" Lenalee mused. "Hey, where are you going?"

"To my room," Kanda replied. "Why do you care?"

"Oh, it's sort of cold tonight, and I forgot to bring a jacket," Lenalee had changed back into her usual outfit, which included the short skirt, but not bulky exorcist's robes.

Kanda unbuttoned the bulky exorcist's robes he treasured so much. He tossed it at Lenalee, who caught it. After she put it on, he turned to go. "Give it back tomorrow." Lenalee caught his hand before he could walk away.

"Won't you stay?" Lenalee requested. "We haven't hung out like this for such a long time."

"Hn," Kanda reluctantly let her guide him back down. Lenalee snuggled into the thick robes that shielded her from the cold wind. It smelt of blood and sweat. But it wasn't unpleasant. It was… Kanda.

"I… I think I'm in love," Lenalee whispered. And she knew that she was… with Kanda. But she didn't dare admit that. She told herself he'd never reciprocate her feelings. She persuaded herself that she loved Allen. She knew the answer she was going to give to him the next time she saw him. Lenalee assured herself that she was doing the right thing; that she and Allen were meant for each other. But still, Kanda's indifference stung.

Kanda felt his spine freeze at her words. He had no doubts that he loved Lenalee. He wanted to shout insults at Allen, and to scream at her for her betrayal. Instead, Kanda told himself it was inevitable. Allen and Lenalee both cared too much for their own good and he told himself they were made for each other. However, his assurances didn't make him feel any better. But all he said was: "Hn."

Although neither noticed, Kanda and Lenalee's hands remained firmly entwined.


	2. Chapter 2

Yu Kanda sat alone on the roof of the Headquarters. The cool night air swept through his black exorcist robes. His only possession rested beside him. It was a glass jar with a single lotus flower placed inside. The moonlight reflected off its petals, making them appear to glow. That night, a full circle of white illuminated the grounds. The moon was bigger and brighter than he'd ever seen before. Millions of brilliant stars shared the sky with it. The branches of the trees swayed with the rhythm of the breeze, and the flowers slept tranquilly. The night was quiet and calm. It seemed that nature itself was celebrating their victory against the Millennium Earl.

It had only been a week since they had fought the war of the century. All the members of the house of Noah were present, loyally fighting alongside their leader. The Earl had brought along a multitude of Level 3 akuma. Every exorcist the Black Order could gather was there to fight for the humans. Of course, not all 109 wielders of Innocence were present. Many had died before the last battle. But the remaining units of Innocence all had an exorcist, and they had all been there.

Kanda had gone against Tyki Mikk again. When they had last fought two years ago, Tyki's abilities had been clearly superior to his own. Since then, Kanda trained as hard as he could. When they had met again, Kanda beat Tyki. It was a very close fight, but Kanda still won. He remembered Lavi and Miranda fighting David and Jasdero. They had also won, although Lavi nearly lost his other eye. Bookman had lost to Skin Boric, who was eventually killed by Arystar Krory. Kanda remembered how hard Lavi had cried at Bookman's funeral. He did not shed any tears for him.

Cross Marian had joined Cloud Nine, Froi Tiedoll and Winters Sokaro to destroy the ark. Hevlaska had slain the three weakest members of the Noah family. Lenalee and Road Kamelot had fought. Both had improved greatly in strength, but Lenalee had triumphed in the end. Allen himself had gone against the Earl of the Millennium. Kanda had to admit that he was impressed with the boy. During the two years he'd known him, Beansprout had become incredibly strong. The Earl clearly surpassed him in strength, but Allen had just kept on attacking and attacking. He had focused all his thought and energy on defeating the Earl, and Allen had achieved his goal.

By the time the battle was over, the grounds was a scene of utter desolation. Many corpses were scattered around the field, mingled with the remains of the akuma they fought. Most of the exorcists that were there had just been acquainted with their weapons. Because of their inexperience, they had been assigned to keep the akuma out of the other exorcists' way. Most of them fell. Kanda did not shed any tears for them.

Lenalee had cried. Her face had been grim the whole time she fought Road, but the second Allen announced their victory, she'd burst into tears. She had thrown her arms around Kanda, who had been standing closest to her. Lenalee had buried her face into his shoulder and wept. Kanda remembered holding her and waiting patiently for her to stop. Kanda knew that she was crying for Anita, Mahoja, Bookman, the fallen exorcists, and the thousands of people who had died during their quest. Lenalee cried his share, because Kanda himself did not shed one tear. If it were anyone else, Kanda would have pushed them away and snapped at them to stop being such a baby. But he held her and soothed her, while her presence comforted him.

"I knew I'd find you here."

Kanda didn't have to turn around to see who it was. Sure enough, an 18-year-old Lenalee Li plunked herself beside him. During the two years, she had grown taller and her hair had grown longer, but the expression of kindness still remained in her face. The two years had changed Kanda in neither appearance nor personality.

They hadn't talked to each other much since that night two years ago. Lenalee had started dating Allen, and they remained a couple for the whole duration of the two years. Kanda came up to the roof every night to train. Lenalee had stopped coming, preferring to spend her free nights with Allen. No one else ever came, and with Lenalee absent, Kanda had to roof all to himself. Until that moment.

"I heard about you and Beansprout," Kanda told Lenalee stiffly.

"I wish you'd stop calling him that!" Lenalee sighed in exasperation. "Who told you? Was it Lavi?" she distinctly remembered requesting the red-haired boy to keep quiet.

"Yes. I also overheard Krory and Lotto talking about it. It seems everyone knew except me," Kanda noted. "Mrs. Walker, huh."

"I was just waiting for a chance to tell you myself," Lenalee fibbed. The truth was, she felt hesitant to tell Kanda. Silence passed between them. The wind breathed through their hair. Their long, ebony locks danced in unison. "Well?" she prompted Kanda.

"What do you want me to say?" Kanda didn't look at her.

"I don't know. Congratulate me like everyone else did?" Lenalee knew Kanda liked to reserve his emotions, but his impoliteness was getting ridiculous.

"Fine. Congratulations… Mrs. Allen Walker," Kanda kept his gaze on the moon.

"You don't sound like you mean it."

"_Congratulations, _Mrs. Walker. Do you want me to hug you and cry, too?" Kanda turned towards her, rolling his eyes.

"Sure," Lenalee laughed. Kanda sighed, and opened his arms. Lenalee encircled her own arms around him, and they embraced. Then, they turned back to the moon, but still kept their arms around each other.

"I can't believe it's all over," commented Lenalee. "When I first came, all I wanted to do was leave. But now that I finally get too, I'll really miss this place. I'll miss everyone."

"There are still plenty of akuma out there. Our work's not done yet," Kanda assured her.

"It just _feels_ like it is, since everyone's packing up and everything," Lenalee sighed wistfully. "So, I guess you're going back to Japan?"

"Yes. Are you returning to China with Komui?"

"You know that I'm engaged to Allen now. I'm going to go live in England with him."

"Hn."

"Yup." Lenalee began to think about her future. Of course, she and Allen would get married eventually. They would have to find a home and jobs. What would she do? Would they be able to support themselves? And then, there would be children. How many? Would they have to move to a bigger house? Get better jobs? She suddenly felt very nervous. They were both so young. She had agreed to the engagement because she couldn't imagine doing this with anyone else. But was she doing the right thing? Did she love him enough for this kind of commitment? Did she love him at all?

"Spit it out," Kanda commanded. Lenalee realized that she'd been staring at Kanda again.

"It's nothing," Lenalee assured him. "I'm just a bit worried that I rushed into this so fast."

"I thought that was normal."

"Me too."

Kanda turned his gaze back towards the moon. Lenalee kept watching him, tracing his silhouette with her eyes. After some time, Kanda turned his attention back towards her.

"I know you didn't come here to stare at me. Whatever insecurities you have, you may as well tell me now. We all know it'll be too late after," Kanda's voice was practical.

"Well… there _is_ another thing… but first, you have to promise you won't tell anybody. Especially not that blabbermouth Lavi," Lenalee told him fiercely.

"Do you see me ever talking to him of my own free will?" Kanda scoffed.

"Good point," agreed Lenalee. "Okay, I'll tell you. It's probably nothing, but Allen and I… well, you know how everybody says we're a perfect match. Even Komui approves of this. But I always wonder… what if we're not meant for each other? I really care about him, but sometimes I… I feel like I don't love him. I like him a lot, but it just doesn't feel like _love._ What if I really don't love him? What if I get stuck in a cold, loveless marriage where the only thing that keeps us together is that neither of us has anybody else?"

"Then don't marry him," Kanda's solution was simple.

"But I can't imagine spending my life with anybody else!" protested Lenalee.

"You're clearly not trying hard enough," Kanda replied.

"I can't back down! We've been together for two years! I don't want to hurt him!" argued Lenalee.

"You'll hurt him even more if you lie," Kanda's grey eyes were dead serious.

"I guess so… what will I do?" Lenalee was close to tears.

"Just do whatever makes you happy," Kanda advised.

"What makes me happy?" Lenalee thought hard. Being with her friends. Helping others. Watermelon on hot summer days. The cool wind blowing through her hair. Clear nights like this, with nature at its most uninhibited. Sitting up on the roof, stargazing with Kanda, being held in his arms… Lenalee snuggled closer to him. "Right now. This makes me happy."

"So stay," suggested Kanda.

"But this isn't right. I should be thinking about Allen. I should be missing him every moment we're apart, like those couples in sappy romance novels. Why don't I feel this way?" Lenalee wondered.

"Maybe he's _not_ the one," Kanda told her bluntly.

"How can that be? If he's not… who is?" asked Lenalee.

Her eyes met with Kanda's. The wind blew at them, its coolness comforting against her burning cheeks. She was so close to Kanda she could feel hear his heart beat. She reached out a tentative hand, and ran it through his hair. Kanda placed a hand on the back of her neck, and leaned closer. She closed her eyes. Their foreheads touched. He was now so close she could feel his hot breath against her lips. Suddenly, the ugly squawk of a night bird interrupted the moment. Lenalee's eyes flew wide open. She was horrified about what she was just about to do, and Kanda's expression told her he felt the same. They quickly broke apart.

"What just happened!" demanded Lenalee.

"You tell me, _Mrs. Walker,_" Kanda's face was cold.

"Look, that was nothing, okay? I was just… caught in the moment. Don't mention it to anybody else! Pretend it never happened! Because it was absolutely nothing!" Lenalee's vision blurred, her tears clouding her sight. "That meant nothing to me! You mean nothing to me!"

Kanda's eyes widened, and his mouth parted in a gasp. Then, he regained his composure. "Very well," his voice was icy. "This is what you choose?"

"It is! I know I'm doing the right thing!" tears were streaming down Lenalee's face now. Both knew very well that she was lying.

"If this is what makes you happy, I won't stop you," Kanda's eyes softened. He couldn't stay angry at her. He stood up and turned to go, picking up the glass jar that rested beside him.

"Where are you going?" asked Lenalee.

"Back to Japan. Home." Kanda gave her a small smile. "I truly hope you're happy... Lenalee-chan." Kanda waved, and leapt agilely off the roof. A small thump told Lenalee he'd landed safely. She didn't bother to look. Instead, Lenalee sat down and cried.

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Third and final chapter coming up soon!


	3. Chapter 3

Lenalee Li dipped the tip of her pen into the inkbottle. She brought the pen down to the bottom of the sheet of paper, and signed her name with a flourish. Lenalee Li Walker. Lenalee Walker. Mrs. Allen Walker. She had used up a whole piece of paper trying to find the one that sounded just right. In the end, she had simply written "Lenalee Li". She reread the letter while waiting for the ink to dry.

"Dear Yu Kanda; I am pleased to inform you of my upcoming wedding…" That was how it started. Lenalee liked the tone of her letter. It was professional, yet friendly. She had lain awake for several nights, contemplating on just what to say. Now, she held the product of her insomnia in her hands. She wasn't completely satisfied with it, but she really couldn't think of any way to improve it.

At that moment, Lenalee was in her old room at HQ. She and Allen agreed that it was the only appropriate place for their wedding. It was going to take place in about one week. Their closest friends had all shown up to help. Jeryy and Allen were busy planning the menu. Lenalee and Miranda had already taken care of the minor details, such as the decorations, her dress, and so on. Arystar had brought dozens of plants with him from Romania (thankfully, Arystar had enough sense to leave the man-eaters and poison-spewers at home). Reever was very helpful in organizing the event. Komui and Lavi mostly got in the way, but their presences were appreciated just the same.

Lenalee had kept in close contact with her friends throughout the last two years. They'd all come to visit at least once, and, in Komui's case, ten times. Even Cross Marian and Froi Tiedoll had come to see them in England. One person Lenalee hadn't contacted at all was Kanda. Lenalee knew that he was fine. Komui had reported that he still wrote to Kanda regularly. Lavi visited him occasionally. Even Allen wrote to Kanda. He'd invited him to visit, but was politely turned down. Lenalee always read Kanda's replies. His answers were always short, if not somewhat snappish. Lenalee knew Allen had sent Kanda an invitation. Although she didn't particularly want to see him, Lenalee wanted him to be there. She wanted all her friends with her on the supposed happiest day of her life. And she knew Kanda would never come if he didn't confirm her approval.

It had been two years since she'd last seen him. That night, she'd cried herself to sleep on the roof. Needless to say, her back hurt like hell the next morning. But when the physical pain passed a few hours later, so did her emotional pining for Kanda. She'd packed up, said her good-byes to her friends, and moved to London with Allen. Making a living wasn't too hard, since their connections with the Black Church helped them a lot. Allen had become a teacher and Lenalee, a nurse. Now that they were financially stable, Allen and Lenalee had agreed that it was time. Sure, she still missed Kanda, and thought about him everyday. But the morning after he left, Lenalee had moved on. She had moved forward with Allen. And she had grown comfortable in the life she shared with Allen.

But then, where did Kanda stand? Lenalee began to feel doubt as she carefully folded the letter. She paused during the process of tucking it into the envelope. Did she really want him there? She wasn't sure what he meant to her anymore. Her heart beat a little faster when she heard his name, but she hadn't had _any _contact with him for _two years._ She _was_ over him, wasn't she? Lenalee couldn't say for sure. And even if she was, would all her feelings come flooding back when she saw him again? He was certainly over her… if he had ever liked her at all. But did she still like him? Would he jeopardize her life with Allen?

"Hey, Lenalee," Lavi knocked on her door.

"Come in," she answered. He entered. At 22-years-old, Lavi's appearance hadn't changed too greatly. Same wild red hair, same eye patch, same quirky grin. He'd barely grown up at all.

"You wanted me to deliver something?" asked Lavi. Lenalee remembered that she'd requested a favour from him earlier.

"Yeah. Sorry if it's too much trouble, but I figured you'd be the fastest option," Lenalee quickly sealed the letter and handed it to Lavi. "I need this delivered to Japan."

"Japan. Kanda, huh?" Lavi didn't look too surprised.

"Yes. Can you do it?"

"Okay, I guess. But it'll be a long trip. I'll crash at Kanda's place, and just travel back with him," decided Lavi.

"Sure."

"Okay. I'll go as soon as I get some food." Lavi looked like he was about to say something else, but seemed to change his mind. "Bye!" Lavi exited the room, shutting the door behind him. Lenalee sat back and sighed. Now, all she had to do was wait. She leaned back in her chair and fell asleep. A few minutes later, a knock door waked her.

"Lenalee, it's Komui. Can I come in?"

"Of course!"

The door opened, and Komui walked into her room. Her brother hadn't changed much either. Even though he was now 33, sometimes he had as much energy as a hyperactive 12-year-old did. Komui had been especially energetic throughout this whole ordeal.

"What's up?" asked Lenalee.

"You and Allen," Komui took a seat on her bed. "It's finally happening, huh?"

"Yes, and I'm glad. Allen and I belong together," Lenalee said quite convincingly.

"Allen's a decent guy. I like him a lot," Komui nodded his approval. "But are you sure about this?"

"What do you mean?" inquired Lenalee.

"You're both so young. You're barely out of the shadow of childhood. Are you sure this is what you want? Are you really happy with this?" Komui looked at his sister with a deep look of concern.

"Yes, brother."

"Then I won't stop you. All I want is for you to be happy."

"I am happy," Lenalee assured him.

Komui gave her a look that said he didn't believe that for one second. But he simply told her: "That's all I wanted to know. I'll let you rest now."

"See you later." Lenalee went to shut the door after him. Before he left, Komui turned around and gave his sister a deadly serious look.

"This is your life, Lenalee. No one else can live it for you. No one else can choose for you." Komui's glasses flashed, catching the light from outside the window. "You should choose whatever makes you happy."

"I know," Lenalee told him, and shut the door. She locked it, and flopped down onto her own bed. She stared up at the ceiling for a long time, just thinking. Was she really happy? She was definitely comfortable. She was quite accustomed to her life. Satisfied, even. But happy… whether she liked it or not, the answer to that was 'no'.

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"Special delivery for Yu-chan!"

Kanda was awoken by a cheery voice from outside his window. He groggily shoved his pillow over his ears, trying to block out the sound. Who could it possibly be, at this hour? It was barely light out!

"Hey, Yu! Wake up!" the voice was much closer now. Something jabbed at his back. Kanda only wrapped his blanket tighter around him. He curled into a tight ball and muttered curses at whoever it was disrupting his sleep.

"Rise and shine! Seize the day! Early bird gets the worm!" the voice sang. A sudden burst of early morning cold hit Kanda. He reached to wrap the blanket even tighter around him… only to realize that his blanket wasn't there. Kanda leapt out of bed with a furious roar.

"Oh, you're up!" the intruder greeted him. Kanda gasped at the person standing in his room. No… it couldn't be… Lavi?

"You… how… where… why!" Kanda sputtered.

"Your landlady let me in, and told me you were still sleeping. Since your bedroom door was locked, I just came in through your window," Lavi smiled. "Good to see you! Wow, you're hair's gotten really long! Nice pajamas!"

"Why are you here!" demanded Kanda. He instinctively reached for a scrunchie that rested on his night table, gathering his jet-black, knee-length locks into a ponytail. He began to retrieve some clothes so he could change out of his pajamas, which were black with little silver K's decorating them.

"Lenalee wanted me to give you a letter. Oh man, you have no idea how long I just flew! I am so tired!" Lavi flopped down onto Kanda's bed.

"What? Lenalee?"

"Yeah. Here." Lavi sat up and began searching inside his pockets. Kanda extended his hand eagerly. Lavi gave him a knowing look before he passed him a crumpled white envelope. After Kanda took it, Lavi proceeded to flop back down onto the bed, seeming to pass out from the exhaustion.

Kanda's hands trembled as he looked at the envelope. His name was clearly printed on it, in Lenalee's handwriting. He carefully broke the seal and took a folded piece of parchment out of the envelope. He opened it. The page was filled with Lenalee's handwriting.

" 'Dear Yu Kanda; I am pleased to inform you of my upcoming wedding…'" Kanda read the letter out loud, very quietly under his breath. When he finished, he sat down and sighed. Kanda closed his eyes wearily.

"Well?" Lavi's voice cut through his thoughts. Kanda's eyes flew back open. He hadn't noticed, but Lavi had sat up while he was reading, and paid close attention to every word.

"Well what?" Kanda tossed his letter aside. It joined a pile of letters and an unopened wedding invitation. "I'm not going."

"Why not? Everyone will be there! It'll be so fun!" protested Lavi.

"She hasn't written to me _once_ for two years." Kanda informed Lavi. "Now, all of a sudden, she just wants me to take the time to go _visit_ her? I'm busy with work! I have no time for leisure!"

"Have you ever thought of writing to her? Or is your job as a weapons instructor working you to the bone?" Lavi glared at Kanda disapprovingly. "I know Allen's written to you plenty of times. It's his wedding too, you know."

"I _know_," snapped Kanda. "Get out of my room so I can change!" the dangerous expression on Kanda's face prompted Lavi to obey. But he stopped at the door before he exited.

"Why don't you just be a good friend and support her? She wants you to be there. I know you want to see her again." Lavi looked at Kanda seriously. "Lenalee misses you."

"Get out!" Kanda ordered. Lavi gazed at Kanda for a few more moments before he left.

Kanda started to change into his work clothes, deep in thought the whole time. Perhaps it was time to move on. He had somewhat done that when he left her that night. He had tried to put all thoughts of her out of his mind, but it was nearly impossible. Komui and Allen mentioned her every time they wrote. On sleepless nights, Kanda always found his thoughts drifting to her. On nights he _did_ sleep, he often dreamt about Lenalee (either that, or the death of a particularly unruly student). And that idiot Lavi always talked about Lenalee when he visited against Kanda's wishes. Why did his eyes become so keen every time he mentioned Lenalee? Could Lavi be onto him?

Kanda quickly told himself Lavi wasn't that smart. Besides, there wasn't anything for Lavi to know, was there? Kanda was positive that Lenalee was over him. Kanda wasn't sure whether he still liked Lenalee or not, but he figured he'd get over her eventually. Kanda reasoned that if that was the case, then there was no reason for him not to go. He told himself that he should go for Allen, who had been a good friend even though Kanda himself wasn't so pleasant. Besides, Lenalee was also a friend above all else. And friends supported friends, right? Kanda sighed, the kinder side of him winning the debate. He made a change in outfits.

Lavi leaned against the wall across from the door, waiting patiently for his friend. The doorknob finally turned, and the wooden entrance creaked open. Kanda exited, dressed in his old exorcist uniform.

"So you're going?" Lavi regarded him with an expression of gloating. "What about the job you're so busy with?"

"I'll tell them I'll be away," replied Kanda grudgingly. "I might as well be there to support my… _friends_."

"Good decision," Lavi smiled. "Trust me, Kanda. You'll be glad you came."

------------

Lenalee sat quietly in her room. It had been a long, busy day, and this had been her first opportunity to rest all day. The sky was already dark outside. Lenalee felt very mixed up at the moment. Again, the doubts had resurfaced. Was she _really_ doing the right thing? She knew that all brides got cold feet, but somehow, this felt stronger. Was Allen really the one? Would she really be happy? Other questions like that was drowning all of the pre-marital happiness she was supposed to feel.

Somebody knocked on the door. Lenalee called for them to come in. Miranda entered, and sat beside Lenalee on the bed. The years hadn't changed Miranda too greatly either. The battle with the Earl had made her look a little older and wearier. Miranda had better luck finding a job after regaining her confidence, and earned a living as an English teacher.

"You are to be wed in less than three days," said Miranda. "Congratulations. I know I am not the first to say it."

"Thank you," Lenalee smiled at her friend. "I'm glad all of you have been here to help us with this event."

"So Allen is the one you will be spending the rest of your life with," stated Miranda.

"The rest of my life… I have at least another fifty years to go, if I'm lucky. That's a pretty long time." Lenalee shuddered. She turned to Miranda. "Maybe we're rushing ahead too quickly. What do you think?"

"Oh no, Miss Lenalee! I really don't want to ruin the wedding!" Miranda protested.

"Miranda, tell me the truth. Do you think Allen and I are too young to get married?" For the first time, Lenalee was seriously considering her actions.

"Well… you're 20 and Allen is only 19. I'm already 30, and I am not married yet," Miranda chose her words carefully. "It is the same with Komui, Lavi, Arystar and Kanda. But it shouldn't matter as long as you love each other, right?"

"Kanda…" Lenalee muttered. "That's the problem… I don't love Allen."

She was sure of it now. Lenalee thought that she would grow more and more excited as they approached their wedding, and fall so in love that she'd never stop thinking about Allen. But those feelings never came. Lenalee certainly felt fond of Allen. She finally faced the facts. If all this time together weren't enough to make her fall in love, she would never love him.

Miranda didn't seem too startled by the news. Of course, Miranda didn't look happy about it, but her expression said that those words had confirmed some kind of theory she had. She patted Lenalee kindly on the back. "If that is the case, Miss Lenalee, there's nothing you can do. I'm sorry if anything I said changed your mind."

"No one has benefited from the lies. I guess I really can't force myself to feel a certain way," sighed Lenalee. "Thanks for being there for me, Miranda. Thanks for telling the truth. What should I do about Allen? I don't want to hurt him by breaking up. But I know I'll hurt him even more if I keep pretending. What should I do?"

Someone else knocked on the door. Lenalee bid them to enter. A white-haired exorcist came into the room. Nineteen-year-old Allen Walker had grown enough to avoid the nickname "Beansprout". He usually wore a white glove over his left weapon, which he still used. Allen usually spent his weekends hunting for akuma that hadn't been set free with the death of the Earl.

"Allen," Lenalee nodded in greeting.

"Miranda, I'd like to have a word with Lenalee. Will you give us a moment alone, please?" requested Allen. Miranda complied, and Allen took her place beside Lenalee.

"Well," Lenalee found she didn't have much to say to him. Allen was quiet, too. Their silence was very awkward, unlike when she was with Kanda.

Allen finally spoke. "Lenalee, I'm about to tell you something that might be upsetting. Please don't be angry with me. I'm not trying to hurt you. Please understand that we'll both be hurt even more if this continues," Allen sighed. He took Lenalee's hand. "I'm calling the wedding off."

Lenalee felt like someone had punched a hole through her stomach. At the same time, her back lightened, as if a weight had been lifted off.

"I think we're both too young. We're rushing into this way too fast. I don't want to make any mistakes. I'm not ready to settle down yet. I want to travel, to see the world, to experience more things in life. I'm not ready for this," Allen sounded sincerely apologetic. "Please understand that you will always be dear to me. I think of you as my best friend, and I do love you. Just not like _this._"

"Then why? Why did you go through with this? Asking me to marry you and everything?" Lenalee was bewildered.

"This is going to sound stupid. It's just that on that day, the Earl nearly killed me. I didn't want to die without ever experiencing this kind of love. I was afraid to die alone," Allen looked sheepish. "I was scared beyond belief. Then, you held me. And I thought I loved you, but I later realized I didn't. Then, you told me that you would be my girlfriend. I thought I would grow to love you if we kept on dating. It didn't happen. I thought maybe if I knew we were going somewhere, I'd grow to love you. So I asked you to marry me and come to England with me. It didn't happen, and I know it's never going to happen. I'm sorry, Lenalee. If there was anyway…"

"No. It's fine. We really are too young. I'm glad we figured it out before it was too late," Lenalee forced herself to smile. "To tell you the truth, I've also had doubts about this wedding. But what will we do now?"

"I'm going to pursue what makes me happy. You should, too," Allen told her, gripping her hand. "I hope we can remain friends."

"Of course. I'd like to be alone now," Lenalee requested. Allen nodded. He got up and left the room. Lenalee lay down on her bed. She remained there for about ten minutes, all her emotions swirling through her. She felt each individual one bubbling up. Anger. Bitterness. Hurt. Fear. She realized she was alone. She wasn't sure what she was going to do. Someone knocked on her door. Lenalee sighed, and told them to come in. This time, Komui was the visitor.

"Lenalee? Are you okay?" asked Komui, sitting down at the foot of her bed.

"Oh, Komui…" Lenalee threw herself in her brother's arms. She suddenly realized that she needed a shoulder to cry on. Komui patted her back comfortingly as she sobbed out her explanation: "Allen dumped me. The wedding's off."

"I know," replied Komui. "Allen told me. I think it's for the best."

"What? Why?" Lenalee looked up at him with a tear-streaked face.

"I know a lot more than you think, Lenalee. I know that you weren't happy with him. I don't want you to suffer for the rest of your life for a mistake you made when you were young. It would be unfair, both for you and Allen," Komui told her. "I want you to do what _you_ want."

"Well, there's someone else…" Lenalee wiped away her tears. "But he doesn't like me. And you won't like him."

"I don't know who he is, but I'll definitely like him if he makes you happy! Also, how do you know he doesn't like you if you don't ask?" Komui regarded her with an older brother's wisdom. "I told you before. It's your life. It's your decisions. You may as well choose what makes you happy."

"But… what if…" Lenalee tried to think up of arguments.

"Life's nothing without risks," said Komui.

Lenalee bit her lip. She realized that her comfortable life with Allen was over. She realized she had nothing to lose.

"If you fall, I'll be there to catch you," Komui assured her. His comforting words made up her mind. Lenalee quickly hugged her brother and rushed out of her room. She rushed down the empty halls, peeking into various rooms. She suddenly realized that he was still in Japan. She mentally kicked herself. Lenalee sighed, and sat down on the floor, leaning against the wall. Reever Wenham and Arystar Krory passed by. Neither of them had changed at all. Both stopped upon seeing her.

"What's wrong?" asked Reever.

"Well, the weddings off," sighed Lenalee.

"We know," answered Arystar.

"Look, we don't know what's up, but we know you and Allen were never in love," Reever told her matter-of-factly.

"What? How?"

"It was just something that was written all over you too. You just seemed to _forced,_" Reever informed her. "You never looked happy."

"Miss Lenalee, I think there is someone else you love. You always have a look in your eyes, as if you are longing for that person. Go find him before it's too late," advised Arystar.

"But it is. I'm here, and he's all the way in Japan," Lenalee told them regretfully.

"You mean…"

"Are you saying…" Reever and Arystar looked at each other in shock. Clearly, this was a peace of information they did not suspect.

"I'm back!" Lavi joined the group. He looked dog-tired, but seemed cheerful just the same. "So, what's going on?"

"The wedding's off," Reever and Arystar explained what had happened. Lenalee stood there, her heart pounding madly. She realized that Kanda was the one that made her happy. He was the one she wanted to be with. And now, nothing stood in the way. She felt free, but also scared. What if this didn't work out? What if Kanda rejected her affections? What if he hadn't even cared enough to come with Lavi?

Lavi knew about the feelings swirling inside her. He was clearly not as stupid as everyone thought, because he was the only one that had known what was going on all along. Lavi didn't say anything in hopes it would work out on its own. But when Lenalee and Kanda stopped speaking, Lavi had decided it was time to nudge them in the right direction. He really only wanted the best for three of his dearest friends. Lavi didn't want Allen to be hurt. And he wanted Kanda and Lenalee to be happy.

"He's waiting for you," Lavi told her. He gave her an encouraging smile. Lenalee knew exactly where to go. She decided that she had to find out, once and for all, whether Kanda still liked her or not. Lenalee knew now was not the time to be afraid. She had nothing to lose. She turned and rushed towards the direction of the roof.

-------------

Kanda stood on the roof of the Headquarters. He and Lavi had traveled for two days, with only one break. Obviously, sitting on a hammer for nearly forty-eight hours was no picnic. Kanda was still wincing in pain. The dark background of the sky accented the full silver moon. The night was clear and cloudless. Kanda closed his eyes and breathed in the fresh air. He heard footsteps approaching. They stopped behind him. He knew who it was, but he didn't turn around. Kanda wasn't sure he was ready to face her yet.

"Kanda. You came." Lenalee's voice sent a warm feeling tingling through him.

"Yeah." Kanda reluctantly turned around.

"You're hair's gotten really long," Lenalee observed. "You look good." She was somewhat jealous of his raven-coloured hair, which were even longer than hers. He still had bangs cut straight across his forehead. Lenalee thought that Kanda's face was colder, and his grey eyes were steelier.

"You too," replied Kanda. And he meant it. Lenalee's ink black locks blew gently in the night wind. Her eyes were now void of the youthful naivety Kanda remembered. But the kindness remained in her face. At that moment, both realized that their emotions had not died. They had simply been locked away. After seeing each other, all of their feelings for each other flooded back.

Lenalee charged at Kanda. She held out her hands, and gripped the front of his exorcist's robes. Kanda didn't push her away. He waited to hear what she'd have to say. She looked fiercely at him.

"No more dodging. You have to tell me the truth. I have to find out right now," she glared at him. "Tell me if you still like me."

Kanda was quite taken back by her forwardness. Clearly, their game of shadows and avoidance was over. He stared back with equal solemnity. "No."

"Oh…" Lenalee let go of his robes. She turned away in embarrassment. Kanda gripped her shoulders, and turned her back towards him.

"I suppose it's too late for the truth, but I'll tell you any way. I might as well get this off my chest," Kanda regarded at her intently. Neither of their gazes faltered. "The truth is… what I feel for you… 'like' is not a strong enough word, okay? Yeah, I liked you back then. I always liked you. But that's not enough to describe my feelings anymore. Love is more appropriate."

"Are you saying…?" Lenalee gasped. She waited for him to say it on his own.

"Yes. I love you, okay?" Now it was Kanda's turned to look away in embarrassment. They turned away from each other. Both stared up at the bright orb of silver while collecting their thoughts.

"Why didn't you ever tell me?" asked Lenalee.

"Maybe the fact that you were engaged to Beansprout had something to do with it," snapped Kanda.

"Well, what about before that happened?"

"I've said a lot already. It's your turn to talk," Kanda looked at Lenalee expectantly.

"I've loved you since I was thirteen. I always thought you'd never return my feelings. That's why I went with Allen." Explained Lenalee.

"I didn't think you liked me back either. Well, our revelations are useless. It's too late now, isn't it?" Kanda's tone was hard, but Lenalee heard a hint of regret. "You're getting married to Beansprout in three days."

"Actually, I'm not. We both realized this was a mistake. The wedding's off." Lenalee waited for Kanda to say something. She scrutinized his face, which was turned away from her. Kanda didn't display any emotion at the news. Lenalee sighed. It had been too long. It was stupid of her to think that things would work out with Kanda. In fact, he probably had some girlfriend back at home that Lavi hadn't told her about. She turned to go.

Without even turned, Kanda reached out and caught her hand. His fingers were cold and his grip was rough. He brusquely pulled her back. Lenalee waited. After quite a while of stargazing, Kanda finally turned his attention towards her.

"Is that true?" he asked.

"Why would I lie?" Lenalee countered. Kanda studied her. Lenalee bit her lip. He was really the one she wanted. She desperately wanted this to work out. She tried to read his thoughts. Lenalee waited for him to say something else. Kanda didn't speak a word. He simply pulled her closer. They kissed.

It didn't feel awkward. They felt that nothing else needed to be said. At that moment, they both knew they had made the right decision. They would have been happy to stay like that forever, but they eventually broke apart.

"In the future, just tell me if you have something to say," Kanda's voice was snappish, but his eyes regarded Lenalee fondly. "Save me the trouble of guessing."

"We wouldn't be having these problems if you weren't such a terrible guesser," Lenalee punched him playfully.

"What are you going to do now?" asked Kanda. "You obviously can't live with Allen anymore."

"I guess I'll have find a place of my own," replied Lenalee. "I don't want to stay in England, though. I never really liked London that much. I don't really want to go back to China, either. I want to go to a new country and experience new things."

"Well… I guess you can come to Japan with me," offered Kanda. "Lavi told me you became a nurse. It won't be that hard to find a job. You can stay with me until you find a home."

"But Lavi told me you lived in a room in some old lady's house," recalled Lenalee. "Do you think there'd be enough room?"

"There's an empty room for rent right now." Kanda recalled Lavi asking the landlady about it. He wondered again if Lavi knew, but he decided Lavi wasn't smart enough. "If you want it, you'll have to hurry. I don't know how much longer it'll be vacant."

"Lavi made me pack up all of my things before we left." For a second, Lenalee also wondered if Lavi knew, but she came to the same conclusion as Kanda. "I don't feel like staying here any longer. Let's get my things and go."

"Right away? Are you sure?" inquired Kanda.

"I'm pretty sure Allen already told everyone. Besides, I don't want to be separated from you any more," Lenalee smiled at Kanda, and nestled close to him. "Let's go."

"Sure," Kanda smiled back and wrapped an arm around Lenalee.

Lenalee was glad she had invited Kanda. Kanda was glad he had come. Lenalee was finally happy, and so was Kanda. Lenalee and Kanda walked together. Together, at last.

**THE END**

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And that's the finish of my first romantic fanfiction ever. It's also the first Lenalee/Kanda fanfiction I've ever seen… well, I hope you liked it. Thanks for reading! Ja ne!


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